OMG…I Am An Eggplant :(

Last night I stood in my bathroom in horror. I don’t know when the transformation happened. It just snuck up on me.

How could he not tell me? To protect my feelings?

Where the heck did it come from? I mean I know after two kids and a terrible diet my stomach has grown a bit…

This is different though. This is hip fat. This is backside fat. Oh my goodness…I am an EGGPLANT!

eggplant

Eggplant – fruit or veggie?

This is just unacceptable.

Day 1: I picked myself up out of the produce department this morning and started to kill the ugly purple shape. With an intense playlist in my ears I ran. I ran hard. I stumbled over to the rowing machine and attacked it some more.

I refuse to be a vegetable or a fruit…eggplants are one of those questionable foods ūüôā

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Teleport To The Free Market

He was in a recliner. On one side was a giant stuffed gorilla and a gigantic fluffy dog on the other. He threw them violently to the floor but remained seated.

“This is nice. I like that this seat has cookies and lemonade.¬†Now I have to swim. I’ll have to use my swimming suit.”

He brought the invisible cookie up to his mouth and began to chew the air. After eating the chocolate chip air cookie he crawled out onto the reclined foot rest. His weight pushed down the recliner causing the chair to fling back hitting my wall.

I continued to stare in his direction without saying a word. What is there to say? We were clearly in his fantasy world. It was 10:00 PM.

It’s been 38 minutes…he’s still up. Here’s a recap of what happens in just over 30 minutes.

“Mama, I’ve added more folders on your phone. Now we have room to¬†put more games on there”.

He obviously doesn’t comprehend my lack of available storage space is unrelated to how the app icons are organized.

“How many games are you downloading?”

“10”

“Isn’t that excessive?”

“No.”

“Can I get this one? It’s on sale.”

“For sale as in…free? You know it has to say…F.R.E.E. Do you see those letters?”

“I think so.”

I glance at the phone and see it’s a game you have to get on Amazon Underground.

“No baby. That one isn’t free. It doesn’t even tell you how much it is.”

“Yes it is! You just have to go to the other market.”

“What market?”

“Ugghhhhh… look!” (points to the shopping cart) I’m just going to teleport over there. You’ll see…”

He clicks the link to open the other “market”.

amazon market

“NOOOOOO!! I saw of glimpse of $99 per year and went into flip mode. Seriously?!?!?! Just stop! Get a game out of the cloud that you already have or go to bed!”

He picks a version of Angry Birds in outer space.

“Wake me up when it’s done installing…nope never mind…my game is ready!!”

So…a couple of things we can conclude here:

  • I’m doing a terrible job parenting this evening.
  • I wish my husband¬†was home.¬†3rd shift nights = mama & Aaron stay up too late
  • Aaron is SUPER smart…maybe too smart ūüôā

 

 

 

 

 

14 Places To Hide Dirty Laundry!

I wonder what it’s like to do laundry in a home where all of the dirty clothes are in a designated location. I think it’s called a hamper. Maybe some people are more familiar with the term laundry basket.

Here in my family we like to play a little game called “Hide & Go Seek Laundry To Wash”! Continue reading

Daddy Is Better Than You

daddy's boy.jpg

Daddy’s Boy

Anyone have a mama’s boy? What about a daddy’s boy? Continue reading

Batman Infographic

I’ve come to the point in motherhood where my children are interested in things that my brain doesn’t want to comprehend. I get the basic super hero plots. I know who’s who in the Marvel world. Now my oldest is going through a Batman phase. Batman is from DC Comics…not Marvel.

I don’t like him.

He’s dark.

His movies are dark.

His video game is dark.

It’s always raining.

It’s always nighttime.

I want him to go away. Continue reading

When I Grow Up

Isaiah: when I grow up I’m going to do what you’re doing for a living. Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons My Kids Won’t Let Me Use The Bathroom

bathroom

Motherhood = NO Privacy!

Prior to having children I could use the restroom by myself. Seems like a simple thing that many women take for granted. Over the last eight years I have adjusted to the fact that there is no private time as mother. So that being said here’s my top 10 list of reasons my children barged in on me in the bathroom… Continue reading