I’ve come to the point in motherhood where my children are interested in things that my brain doesn’t want to comprehend. I get the basic super hero plots. I know who’s who in the Marvel world. Now my oldest is going through a Batman phase. Batman is from DC Comics…not Marvel.
I don’t like him.
His movies are dark.
His video game is dark.
It’s always raining.
It’s always nighttime.
I want him to go away.
The other day I was outwardly expressing my hatred toward this awful super hero when my son decided maybe if he could explain some of the background information I would understand Batman a little better.
I don’t want to understand him.
I DON’T CARE!
Despite my lack of desire to learn he sucked me into a long explanation accompanied by an infographic. Come on mom…follow the visual references I’ve so generously provided….it’s not that difficult.
Ok so it went something like this…
Isaiah: There’s a guy named Jim who works at the GCPD (Gotham City Police Department). He has a daughter named Oracle.
Me: Isn’t that the lady from the Matrix?
Isaiah: No. What is the Matrix?
Me: Never mind. Keep going…
Isaiah: Anyway, so one day the Joker shot Oracle. Batman came in and punched Joker. Oracle wasn’t really dead. She made a cloaking device to make two of her.
Me: Do you mean a cloning device?
Isaiah: Yes. The real Oracle was actually in a wheelchair. She didn’t need the wheelchair though.
Me: So why was she in the wheelchair?
Isaiah: I don’t know.
As I am wrapping up this post my five year old, Aaron comes in the room. He sits down beside me eating a red ball of fruit roll up. As he pulls the snack slowly away from his mouth a string of drool is stretched out until it breaks off and lands on his little chin.
Maybe he can help….
Me: Hey Aaron, do you know anything about Oracle in Batman?
So I read him the dialogue between Isaiah & I above. I’m hoping he can provide some insight on what the devil is happening with these characters.
Aaron: Isaiah is right. That’s what happened. Oracle didn’t need her wheelchair. She just acted like she needed it so Scarecrow wouldn’t kill her.
Me: Who is Scarecrow…is this Batman or The Wizard of Oz?
Aaron: It’s Batman! He’s another one of the scary bad guys that hates Batman.
Me: Why would Scarecrow NOT come after her just because she was in a wheelchair?
Aaron: Because then Batman would be REEEAAALLLLLYYY mad!!!
In conclusion, I stand firm in my uneducated opinion.
Batman is awful.
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