Cheese…check. Continue reading
Cheese…check. Continue reading
I admit it.
I snuck it under my sweatshirt so they wouldn’t see.
No. I didn’t share.
Yes. It was good.
Earlier this year I shared my utter disgust with alarm clocks. If you missed it click here: I Hate Alarm Clocks. I am not a morning person. I have a serious issue with mornings. I’ve tried some new and creative alarms lately that had potential to serve their purpose but ultimately failed.
This app has the most options but I wasn’t able to use the barcode scanner feature that required me to get out of bed. Once the alarm went off I had to pass a series of tests while the alarm was still going off at a reduced volume. If I dozed off during any portion the volume was turned up full blast. I discovered that I could do difficult puzzles and intense math and immediately go back to sleep. This next app worked a good bit better.
I programmed it with a 50 step requirement.
Alarm: “Take 50 steps to snooze.”
A lullaby-ish song played on a piano and sounds of birds chirping were in the background.
I swiped the word snooze at the bottom of the screen.
Alarm: “Evil mode enabled. You can’t snooze.”
More birds were chirping. The piano continued…
This sucks. I grabbed my phone and slid my feet across the floor.
I opened my bedroom door and walked out into the living room. Wearing let’s say…not a whole lot…I was shocked and slightly embarrassed to see my husband sitting on the couch wide awake. He works 3rd shift right now and clearly I forgot about that.
Husband: “New alarm, huh?”
I shuffled myself across the living room. Into the kitchen. Out of the kitchen. As I made my way into the kids’ bedroom I heard…
Alarm: “Stop shaking. Back to 50 steps to dismiss the alarm.”
Me: “What?!?! No! I’m just walking!”
I focused on making firm, stable steps without “shaking” until I reached 50.
Husband: “You getting in the shower?”
Me: “No.” I curled up next to him on the couch. “I’m setting it to 100 steps at 7AM.”
Husband: “You’re ridiculous.”
Me: “I love you too babe.”
How do you get up in the morning? If you’re an awful morning person like me share this post! If you rise with those awful chirping birds what’s some advice you can offer for those that struggle?
Last night I stood in my bathroom in horror. I don’t know when the transformation happened. It just snuck up on me.
How could he not tell me? To protect my feelings?
Where the heck did it come from? I mean I know after two kids and a terrible diet my stomach has grown a bit…
This is different though. This is hip fat. This is backside fat. Oh my goodness…I am an EGGPLANT!
This is just unacceptable.
Day 1: I picked myself up out of the produce department this morning and started to kill the ugly purple shape. With an intense playlist in my ears I ran. I ran hard. I stumbled over to the rowing machine and attacked it some more.
I refuse to be a vegetable or a fruit…eggplants are one of those questionable foods 🙂
He was in a recliner. On one side was a giant stuffed gorilla and a gigantic fluffy dog on the other. He threw them violently to the floor but remained seated.
“This is nice. I like that this seat has cookies and lemonade. Now I have to swim. I’ll have to use my swimming suit.”
He brought the invisible cookie up to his mouth and began to chew the air. After eating the chocolate chip air cookie he crawled out onto the reclined foot rest. His weight pushed down the recliner causing the chair to fling back hitting my wall.
I continued to stare in his direction without saying a word. What is there to say? We were clearly in his fantasy world. It was 10:00 PM.
It’s been 38 minutes…he’s still up. Here’s a recap of what happens in just over 30 minutes.
“Mama, I’ve added more folders on your phone. Now we have room to put more games on there”.
He obviously doesn’t comprehend my lack of available storage space is unrelated to how the app icons are organized.
“How many games are you downloading?”
“Isn’t that excessive?”
“Can I get this one? It’s on sale.”
“For sale as in…free? You know it has to say…F.R.E.E. Do you see those letters?”
“I think so.”
I glance at the phone and see it’s a game you have to get on Amazon Underground.
“No baby. That one isn’t free. It doesn’t even tell you how much it is.”
“Yes it is! You just have to go to the other market.”
“Ugghhhhh… look!” (points to the shopping cart) I’m just going to teleport over there. You’ll see…”
He clicks the link to open the other “market”.
“NOOOOOO!! I saw of glimpse of $99 per year and went into flip mode. Seriously?!?!?! Just stop! Get a game out of the cloud that you already have or go to bed!”
He picks a version of Angry Birds in outer space.
“Wake me up when it’s done installing…nope never mind…my game is ready!!”
So…a couple of things we can conclude here:
I wonder what it’s like to do laundry in a home where all of the dirty clothes are in a designated location. I think it’s called a hamper. Maybe some people are more familiar with the term laundry basket.
Here in my family we like to play a little game called “Hide & Go Seek Laundry To Wash”! Continue reading
Anyone have a mama’s boy? What about a daddy’s boy? Continue reading
I’ve come to the point in motherhood where my children are interested in things that my brain doesn’t want to comprehend. I get the basic super hero plots. I know who’s who in the Marvel world. Now my oldest is going through a Batman phase. Batman is from DC Comics…not Marvel.
I don’t like him.
His movies are dark.
His video game is dark.
It’s always raining.
It’s always nighttime.
I want him to go away. Continue reading
Prior to having children I could use the restroom by myself. Seems like a simple thing that many women take for granted. Over the last eight years I have adjusted to the fact that there is no private time as mother. So that being said here’s my top 10 list of reasons my children barged in on me in the bathroom… Continue reading